Category Archives: Rants, raves and faves

Down With The Downward Dog!

By Jenny Aitken

No. I don’t do yoga. Yes. I am aware that it is good for you, and wow it can even be done in warm temperatures, how neat, but I am also aware that I will spend the entire time in fear of farting and trying not to laugh at the symphony of mouth breathers. That’s deep breathing, you say; it’s good for you. So are brussel sprouts, but you don’t see me trying to shove them down your throat. My friends do yoga, and I swear for every minute they spend in warrior pose, they spend five minutes bragging about it to me after. My whole body just feels so loose right now. I don’t really know what that feels like, but it seems slightly terrifying.

As for the “yoga clothes,” it would be nice to be able to walk into a store like Lululemon without the peppy preaching of a sales employee, or random enlightened yogi, on the benefits of ooommmming and aaahhhing. All I want is a tank top that doesn’t require me to wear a bra, and a pair of those spandex pants that actually make me look like I have a butt. Instead, I am besieged with upbeat life lessons on the importance of stretching. I am reminded to take a few minutes out of my day to breathe. Pretty sure I do that all day, every day. It’s called being alive.

But yoga is s relaxing, it soothes the mind.

Personally, I don’t find it soothing watching people bend their spandex-clad bodies into contortionist pretzels while I struggle to even touch my toes. The only soothing part comes at the very end, when they just let you lie there and the instructor uses that wispy voice and says things like, “Feel your body sink, sink, sink into your mat.” But, why should I suffer through 50 minutes of discomfort and boredom to get there? It’s called lying on my bed. Done.

Jenny Aitken is third-year writing student at UVIC

 

A humble apology to that magnetic strip

An Editorial By Matthew “Gus” Gusul

Now hear this: To the audio cassette, I hereby say a heartfelt, “SORRY!” And I regret it has taken me 16 years to realize my error.

At 14 I became a dedicated vinyl collector when I discovered how beautiful it is to put the needle down on some hot wax. I am talking 33s and 45s. (I did not venture into the sub-genre of weirdo – The 78 Collector.) Simultaneously, I started an all-out war on any other audio format: digital, compact disc, 8-track, or cassettes – all were trash!

But in May I bought a 1982 Toyota Tercel, mint condition if I overlooked a scratch or two. Nestled inside its dashboard I found a fully functioning cassette deck. Bonus. So my wife Liz and I hit the Salvation Army and the downtown Victoria record stores.

Here’s the collection we found:

I am not saying that cassettes are the best audio format; Vinyl still holds that position for me. But some music is meant to be listened to on cassette because it simply sounds better. Musicians and producers used all their skills to make their songs sound good on that tiny magnetic strip encased in a plastic shell. Thanks to my little blue car, I am discovering that music all over again.

Take Journey’s Departure: you have not listened to Any way you want it until you hear it loud and proud banging out of my 1982 speakers . With Journey at full volume, my car is not simply a way to get from A to B; it is a time machine. I can relive the 80s while travelling from Mayfair Mall to Elk Lake on Pat Bay Highway at 75km/h.

Next, The Clash. Wow – just wow. There are so many classic songs on this tape: I fought the law, Career opportunities, Garageland, White Riot. Liz and I yell the Garageland lyrics as loud as we can — “I don’t want to hear about what the rich are doing” — while driving our 30-year-old car through the streets of Cordova Bay or Oak Bay.

A couple of weeks ago I reluctantly turned 30: I felt like I was having a funeral for my twenties. But then I got this brand-new, plastic-wrapped (still with Zeller’s $4.95 pricetag) version of REM’s 1987 release Document. Yup, I gave it to myself. I’d bought it in May and had yet to open it. So, it became a birthday present from 29-year-old Gus to 30-year-old Gus. Listening to such a great cassette turned out to be a fantastic treat. When REM recorded It’s the end of the world as we know it, The one I love, Odd Fellows Local 151, they were envisioning people — perhaps even me! — listening to it on cassette.

Needless to say Guns ‘n’ Roses, Dire Straits, and Bon Jovi all sound great on tape — something I’d never have known without my Tercel. (Note: The Madonna cassette belongs to Liz.)

Maybe this article should be called something like “Ode to the Cassette” or “Kids, throw Away your iPod and Grab your Walkman.”

Matthew “Gus” Gusul is The Coastal Spectator’s Online Editor.

Art gallery affirms artistry of kitty videos

By Lynne Van Luven
Dissing cat videos has suddenly become a vibrant pastime among the literati. Writers and film critics alike frequently bemoan the puerile focus and the cute factor. I don’t get it.

I’d understand if such critics were exercised by schlocky music videos or vile snuff films. Or if they took umbrage at screaming-chef videos or the blather of smarmy blonde actors who extol their new-found “lifestyle” wisdom.

But to bemoan kitty videos? Come on, folks, graft a bit of humour on to your humanity. Life is filled with awful realities: daily events in Syria; reporters being stifled and killed around the world; children starving, people using guns to express their political views . . . .

But kitty videos? How can you scoff at these witty, whimsical and loving expressions of man’s bond with felinity? When life is kicking you in the ribs, a quick viewing of the antics of Maru, the box-infatuated Japanese cat, will immediately alleviate your pain. And if you are on the outs with family or friends, there is nothing like a quick link to the furious cat video to remind you how
silly hissy fits really look.

That’s why I was thrilled to learn that The Walker Art Centre in Minneapolis, Minnesota, just sponsored an Internet Cat Video Film Festival, with 70 entries, as a social experiment — as well as a modern-art event.

And I was even happier to see some of my favourite feline performers entered: Keyboard Cat was represented (26.3 views since first posted in 2007) as was the obsessive Maru. Best of all, the winner of the People’s Choice award turned out to be my all-time favourite cat video: the inimitable Henri 2, Paw de Deux, by Will Braden.

So take that snobs! The rest of us already knew the truth: no matter how many times we listened to Henri’s lugubrious self-indulgent mewlings, we couldn’t help chortling.

Lynne Van Luven would be owned by 15 cats if left to her own devices.

Going Coastal

Sometimes, The Coastal Spectators editors see thing in the world of art or even in the world at large that up sets them. Now instead of loosing our mind and going up to the top of a bell tower we take on a different approach. WE GO COASTAL!!! Check back to our site to read rants, opinion pieces, suggestions, and soliloquies that help keep us and some our our friends sane.

If you are interested in writing your own Going Coastal rant please contact the editors.

Welcome to The Coastal Spectator

 “I think everybody’s a rock critic,” said Rolling Stone’s Lester Bangs in a 1980 interview.  In defence of his claim, Bangs said,  “when you go into a record store and you decide to buy this one over that one, you’re being a rock critic.  I don’t have any more credentials than anyone else.”

Well, times have changed mightily since 1980: iTunes sings it all,  music stores are closing and records are retro.  Still, Bangs had the right idea; everyone has an opinion, based on personal taste.  We’d like to hope the taste is augmented by research and cogitation.

The Coastal Spectator is a bit of an experiment:  we want to see if “culture vultures” want to talk about what they are experiencing on Vancouver Island and its immediate environs.   The original site springs from a University of Victoria Department of Writing 2011 MFA course in criticism and reviewing, but it’s now open to anyone who wishes to share assessments of all forms of Canadian culture, including books, films, plays, music and art gallery shows . . . if  a cultural event occurs on Vancouver Island, it deserves appreciation and observation.  And The Coastal Spectator wants to hear your thoughts about it.

You might feel a whisker of context scratching at the back of your mind.  You might think, “Hmm, The Spectator. . .  Wasn’t that a periodical published back in 18th century London by essayists Richard Steele and Joseph Addison?”  Yes, you are right:  the periodical  first appeared March 1, 1711; it aimed to “enliven morality with wit, and to temper wit with morality. ”  And it posited its articles in a fictional way through a Spectator Club whose imaginary members extolled their ideas about society. 

We’re hoping to be less stuffy and more real.  We want to hear from actual people, who partake of and care about arts and culture, in its many contemporary forms.

So, take a look around our site, and join us if you wish.